As A Child....

Growing up was not fun...it wasn't pleasurable......it was protected. I had some fun, but only limited fun, because I was raised by my great-grand mother and she couldn't do all the things a young mother or father could do. My mom was in and out, same as my father. All I had was me, my great grand mother and my brother. Then all of a sudden she wants to show up and just think everything is right...sorry but it wasn't. Me and my mom were never close and we still aren't. We are to different, to be related I think sometimes, but I know that I'm hers. It hurts when she talks about my dad, because he is in my life doing way better than he was before, really playing apart, but my mom about the same. Some days I would walk into the house, she wouldn't acknowledge me or even know that I'm there. My mom is still out there, and I wish she would straiten up, and stop doing the things she does, but I can only tell her so much. She may learn one day but when will that one day come? I also worry about ,my sister, because she is my pride and joy, and when I leave for college, what's going to happen to her? Whats going to happen to granny? How long would it be before my brother follow his daddy's footsteps and wind up in jail? He think life's a game and already had a criminal record. When will it all stop!!! I lay at night and I cry....I'm scared of what the future is going to bring.....and one night I stopped crying and I began to write..................

Mother I Cry

Tears from my eyes
Restless nights I try to sleep
Try to rest, but always think
About the future that lies in front of me
Mother I cry

When I leave from home
Whats going to happen?
With you set in your ways
And my brother who takes everything for play
My little sister who knows no better
To my great grandmother whose heart is light as a feather
Mother I cry

You holler, and holler
As a child, of you negativity is all I can remember
You always downin' my hardworking dad
But you were know better in the past
Mother I cry

All my fond memories from childhood
You are not in them
All my events I did
You didn't show up
It hurt my heart when you told me a lie
But as you can see I continued my life
Trying not to become what you have
But something bigger and better I try

Memories of the lies
Memories of the drugs
Memories of the thievery
Memories of the abuse
I remember it all....
Being left alone
While you go and do your drug deals
You being locked up almost my whole life
Because you never decided to get right
I go to crying to granny
Because you hurt me
And all you can do is holler at her
Because she found your thievery
Running from the police
Getting caught anyway
Looking at me
Then about face
I remember it all
And you are still not that much better
What's going to happen in our future life?
But mom...Right now...every night...I cry...
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